Why being selfish is the most loving thing you can do for yourself and others.

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“Stop being so selfish! The world doesn’t revolve around YOU. It isn’t about you.”

I have a pretty good feeling you’ve been a recipient to something along those lines at one point in your life. It’s also a safe bet that the first time you were told this, it came spewing out of a self righteous parent or teacher’s mouth. Right? Chances are, that’s what they were also subject to the same spewing. Their soul is also knowingly or unknowingly suffering in silence, and because of the trust they placed in THEIR elders, they entrusted that suffering in silence and being altruistic at your expense is THE way to righteousness. We see more of this type of messaging in religion and more importantly, fantastical social media posts, Hollywood productions and historical fables.

The thing is, your elders got it wrong. You see, hurt people, hurt people. The mental prison they passed through and now can’t get out of, they tried to pass it on to you. The guilt, the self doubt, the feeling of unworthiness is just an illusion. They’re putting you through it because this is the only way they know, and they may also be experiencing healing subconsciously when they see themselves in the shoes of the person who first did it to them. Generational curses anyone?

Here’s my thing; you’re born into your life. Your life. Not theirs’, yours’. So actually, in YOUR reality, you ARE the centre of the universe. Everything literally revolves around you in your life experience, I mean, how can it not? In that same sense, it is YOUR responsibility to figure out what this life thing is about and discover who YOU really are. Who are you? What is your life purpose? If you have constantly been putting other people’s needs, opinions and direction first, then how do you know what YOUR needs, opinions and decisions are? Who might you be without your mother’s/teacher’s/father’s/first crush’s/best friend’s/social media/etc voice in your head? Do you know?

You will never know, until you start placing yourself first. I.e., being *gasp* selfish. Selfish doesn’t have to mean being Machiavellian. You don’t have to trample over people to find success, you don’t have to destroy others in order to do well. In fact, you won’t need to do that in order to excel and stand out in your own right if you have a deep understanding and appreciation for who you are. Do you know why? It’s because, dare I say it, you might actually get a sense of serenity, acceptance and inner peace with who you really are. When you reach that state, self actualisation and the path of fulfilling your full potential is illuminated for you. Your divine purpose is activated!


When you focus on yourself, you can contribute so much to others. When you balance and help yourself, you can be of value and service to others. If you remain in this place where you look at sacrifice and martyrdom as honourable actions, you are more likely to bring further discord to the world and to the supporting actors in your life.

Did you like how I said ‘the supporting actors in your life’? That’s what we all are, quite simply. Your partner who you adore, your parents, your kids, friends etc…we’re all playing supporting roles in YOUR life. You are number one. You’ve heard this before, I am not the first to tell you. If you don’t love yourself, how can you truly love others?

And let’s break down what’s really going on here when people have emotively accused you as acting/being selfish. What they’re REALLY saying is:

“How dare you make yourself happy? You should be making ME happy, not YOURSELF! My happiness over your happiness! That’s what a good friend/daughter/son/partner etc is..do what WE want. Let US be selfish at YOUR expense, and don’t you dare expect the same for yourself from ME.”

Ok? So essentially, when you put others first, you train yourself and others to put yourself second to them. That’s a good little minion! Except, when you don’t receive the validation, and you start feeling unappreciated and short changed…now what? Well you just project that on to YOUR victim now! And the cycle continues.

So what to do? Take time out to figure out who you are. Start today, don’t delay. Look after your needs, challenge what doesn’t resonate with your soul and logic, meditate, reflect and have some fun! Get joyful! Life is supposed to feel good, I mean REALLY good. Your mind, body and soul want to be in alignment, that’s what makes us whole. That’s what stops the cracks, and when there are no cracks, intruding voices won’t be able to penetrate your mind.

When your mind and soul are vibrating in alignment, the body HAS to follow. You are solid. Stress cannot make you sick ever again.

Wishing you a wonderful healing journey towards impeccable health as always.

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